One night while living in my apartment in N.C., I had an experience that showed me a portion of the “Big Picture”.
I tend to be a light sleeper. I usually wake up in whatever position I fall asleep in. I am aware when I roll over or push my covers off, etc. Even though I wear ear plugs, I can hear the fan whirring or a conversation in the next room. I am aware when the cat is on the bed or someone has walked across the outside of my window.
This particular night, there had been nothing unusual in my day. I set my alarm, tucked myself in and closed my eyes. I laid on my back and proceeded with my meditational healing routine and then dozed off.
Sometime around 3am, I awoke just enough to turn over… but couldn’t move! Was I dreaming? I tried to move my arms, my legs, even my head but nothing happened. I opened my eyes and looked around. I was not dreaming, this was my room. I tried to scream, but only a slight moan came out. I felt myself start to panic. I saw my cell phone on my dresser that was on the other side of my bed. I tried several times to throw my body over to that side of the bed. I figured that if I could hit something; to make some noise that maybe the neighbors would hear but not one part of me was responding. Nothing.
I heard about four or five voices talking. I couldn’t see anyone in my room but I could hear them. They called me by my name. I wasn’t afraid. It was as if I knew them and was aware of why they were there. They were close to me. It was as if they were on the bed with me “…are you sure?” they asked. “This is the time you chose…” they said. “I am sure.” I responded with my thoughts. This same conversation persisted and I answered the same way at least three times “…I am sure.” They acknowledged each other and then me with what sounded like a song without words. Then they were gone.
What’s going on? It felt like some family members had just stopped by and offered me a ride home and I just turned them down and chose to continue walking.
I still couldn’t move. Thoughts ran through my mind like “…how long would I lay here before someone came looking for me?” “Have I peed and can’t feel it?” I had to try again to get to my phone. I mustered all the inside energy I could and tried to throw my body. It moved! My adrenalin must have kicked in. I did it again and flipped on my side. I still couldn’t move my arms or legs. I did it again and rolled to the edge of the bed on my stomach. My legs slid off to the floor. I couldn’t lift my arms but I could push until I found myself sitting on the floor with my back against the dresser. I sat there.
After a short time, I was able to move my arms. I rolled over onto my knees and pulled myself back up on to my bed and got my phone. I hesitated to make a call for help. Who should I call? 911? My mom? What would I say? So, I bargained with myself that I would wait and see how I felt. My body felt really heavy and weak. I decided to stand up and then holding on to the furniture and walls, I went to the bathroom. From there, I held onto the walls and went to the kitchen and got something to drink and sat at my kitchen table. After a time, I decided to go ahead and get my shower and get ready for work. I felt shaky but stronger each time I moved around. By the time I left for work, I was fine. My head was still reeling from the experience, but I was fine.
There is a teaching that while we are preparing ourselves to be incarnated, we choose our lessons and so on that create a map for the journey we will be on. While planning our journey, we choose five exit points. At each of these exit points, our higher selves have the choice to stay or go.
Have you (or someone you know) come through a medical trauma or accident or act of nature that there was no chance of surviving but you did? Maybe it was your choice to stay…